Good Talk, Coach: 3 ways to inspire greatness

I overheard the half-time huddle at a soccer game this weekend.  The sweaty 11-year-olds were sitting on the grass when their coach gave them two simple pieces of advice:

1. “Girls, we always play strong in the second half,” he started.  “Let’s go out and do that.”
2. “Now that we switched sides at the half, our goal is in the shade.  So, let’s try to keep the ball in the shade.  We’ll score more and stay cool.”

“Good talk, coach,” I was thinking as I smirked at his no nonsense style and how we matched the length of his speech to the attention span of his pre-teen audience.

But later, I was thinking of the simplicity of his practical advice.  He did three things that good leaders should do in any environment, whether it be the soccer pitch or in the board room.  He gave them confidence (we always play strong in the back half), he gave them an easy-to-remember strategy to follow (stay in the shade), and he tied it to their own personal objectives (win and stay cool). 

If we could all do this in our own businesses and with our own teams, we would end up winning more often.

Giving Feedback

Honest feedback, delivered with good intention, is an absolute gift.  It is hard to give.  It requires a sacrifice of pride, poise, and position.  It often requires speaking truth to power, which can be difficult and vulnerable.  But there is a spectrum of feedback that might require different approaches.

Telling someone they have “spinach in their teeth” is one end of the spectrum.  The bolder of us might even point that out to a stranger, but many of us struggle to do this with our own friends, family, and co-workers.  We figure they will eventually figure it out.  This is a problem we all have faced, we are always thankful for the quiet aside that helps us fix it, and yet we sometimes don’t offer the same courtesy to others.    This is an example of feedback that people are generally happy to hear, from someone they know and trust, as it saves them from embarrassment with others.

The other end of the spectrum is telling someone that their “baby is ugly.”  Maybe not their literal baby, but perhaps their pet project at work, their big idea, or their latest obsession.  It takes a lot of courage to tell someone something they will be ungrateful to hear.  They might not understand.  They will likely question your motivations.  The feedback might fall on deaf ears or, worse, backfire.  We have all heard those cautionary tales of whistle-blowers being fired, but in most cases it isn’t that dramatic, but can still feel vulnerable.

So, how do you approach giving feedback along this spectrum?  I find it always useful to preface your message with a reminder that you like them and want the best for them.  The spinach in the teeth might only require an “I figured you’d want to know” to start a conversation.  A bigger, more emotionally tinged, situation might require you to tell them that you care about them and the company and that is what is prompting the feedback.  

Always go to the person directly first.  In a personal way, like face-to-face or over the phone is best.  Emails or text messages are often taken harshly or misinterpreted, but that can work as well depending on the relationship.  Feedback like this should never be given publicly, as that makes everything worse.

What kind of feedback have you given and what have you learned about doing it well?

This article was originally published by the Technology Association of Oregon.

Fear Less

English is a strange language.  Of that, there is no doubt or dispute.  The amalgamation and combination of various tongues and cultures have resulted in an ever-changing and nearly-impossible-to-codify language system that ranks among the most difficult to master.

I have been reminded of this recently when reflecting on the word: fearless.

There is a plaque in my office, created by a friend, that has this word written on the face.  She meant it as a compliment and a reminder.  She commented that she saw me as someone who fearlessly faced change, ambiguity, and challenge and created something remarkable as a result.  I am deeply humbled by this description.  I also know it was to serve as a reminder that I do my best when I bring my best, fearless self to the work at hand.  It has been my office for a while and having it there on the shelf, in the landscape of my periphery every day, is undoubtedly serving both her purposes.  I must admit, I leaves me with a bit of an imposter’s syndrome, because I know how many fears and doubts that I live with each day.  And I know I am not alone and that the word itself is part of the problem and possibly the solution.

But the word “fearless,” is often used to synonymously with fear-free.  “He ran fearlessly into the burning building to save the child,” the newspaper will report of the local hero.  “She has a fearless brush stroke,” they will sell of an artist’s boldness.  “He is fearless and just free-climbed Half Dome,” someone will remark about an athlete’s death-defying feats.  But any of these people will tell you that they have doubts.  They are not guaranteed success.  They have fears.  They are not fear-free, but rather they are overcoming their fears.  What does it truly mean to be fearless?

The answer might be hidden in the word itself.  The term “less” is a relative word.  It implies that it is less when compared to something else.  I am sure you can sting your eyes with “tearless” shampoo, but it is meant to imply a relative safety to other products on the market. We use words like seamless, matchless, baseless, careless, effortless, heartless, motionless, priceless, and thankless as if they are absolutes, but they are really descriptions of relation.  You can be seemingly tireless, but still get tired.  Tireless is what others observe, but the truth is far more nuanced.  The comparison you might make is between yourself and others or between yourself on different days and in different situations. 

In my experience, courage is not the anecdote of fear.  It is action.  Fear can be paralyzing, especially when combined with a vivid imagination, but the fearless face it down, give it a name, and move forward.  Not recklessly, but with calculated intention, identifying and mitigating risks.  To be fearless is just to strive to fear less than you did the day before and you do that with action.  Before long, you are accomplishing things never before possible.

We live in strange and scary times.  Unprecedented stress combined with new technologies bring the raw edges of humanity to the surface and the world stage.  If there was ever a time for fearlessness, the time is now.  

This article was published on LinkedIn Pulse. 

Know Thyself: The Toolbox

I must start out with a confession.  I am a self-assessment junkie.  I love analysis tools that help me better reflect on my strengths, style, and effectiveness and how I relate to the world and approach problem-solving.  I understand that not everyone does.  But even more so, not everyone even knows that tools like this exist or how to use them. This post is meant to remedy that.

Below is a round up of some of the best assessment tools that I have used in the past.  With a short description of each (not exhaustive or complete by any means) and a link to where you can learn more or take the assessment.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on your favorites (or these or others that I might not have heard of before).

They are in rough alphabetical order.  I have no professional relationships or affiliations with any of these organizations, although I have taken all of these assessments over the years.

DiSC: This personality assessment might be one of the best known.  It is administered by hundreds of consultants (chances are your own HR team might have a certified trainer) and can be accessed online for less than $40 (and there are plenty of free "knock offs" out there as well).  It identifies people's dominant dimensions (Dominance, Influence, Stable, Compliant) and graphs individuals and groups into different combination profiles like "Promoter" or "Counselor".  This is a simple tool to help people understand each other better.

EQ-i: This is a measurement of emotional intelligence, thus EQ-i stands for Emotional Quotient Inventory.  It is administered by lots of professional coaches and trainers and can be accessed online for less than $40.  It provides composites along several factors includes self-perception, self-expression, interpersonal, decision making, and stress management.  I have been told that a high EQ score is more important than any other single factor (IQ, etc) for professional success, but I do suspect that is subject to the field and role of the individual.  However, there is no denying the impact of interpersonal relationships on success.  

The Flag Page: The Flag Page was developed in cooperation with the marriage expert, Mark Gungor (Laugh your Way).  Although it is used by organizations, it is an inexpensive tool ($10) designed first for individuals.  It uses the language of citizenship to identify which "country" is dominant in your style (Fun, Control, Peace, Perfect). This is very accessible assessment and they even have one for children to use for family dynamics.

Harrison: The Harrison Assessment is a complex tool administered by trained professionals often as part of a team workshop.  It is based on paradox theory, which illustrates how individuals can act in seemingly contradictory ways, especially under stress.  It highlights 12 paradoxes that relate to the workplace (things like diplomacy and frankness or organization and flexibility) and plots each individual in a default position and indicates what behaviors they might demonstrate when under pressure.  The resulting individual assessment is over 20 pages long and the team assessment is equally as rich.  I understand the assessment is relatively expensive (over $300 per person), but I have never personally purchased it, so I am not certain.  It is much more complex and requires more work to understand and apply the insights than the other assessments.

Kolbe: Designed based on the research of Karen Kolbe,  the Kolbe Cognition Survey looks at how individuals approach problem solving and rates them on four dimensions (Fact Finding, Follow Thru, Quick Start, and Implementor).  The individual assessment is $49 and available on their website (a Kolbe A index).  They also have a series of products for determining job fit (managers complete a Kolbe C to develop a profile for a job and the employee completes a Kolbe B to identify their perceptions of the job requirements and when compared these B and C indexes show areas of gap or opportunity).  It can be used for recruiting and job fit analysis.  There is a youth version (Kolbe Y) as well.  This assessment is easy to digest, but allows for nuance and discussion than some of the more simple tools.

Myers-Briggs:  This is probably the most popular and extensively used "personality test" given.  Myers-Briggs is administered by thousands of practioners and is available online for less than $50 (and there are a number of free knock-off versions out there as well).  The survey gives back a score along four criteria (covering interpersonal styles, structures, decision making, and information) and sorts people into one of 16 personality types based on their responses. This is used in casual and in-depth coaching settings with success.

OAD: The Organization Analysis and Design survey is administered by an independent consultant or trainer certified by the organization.  It measures individuals along several constructs including assertiveness, extroversion, pace/patience, detail orientation, versatility, emotional control, and creativity.  Doing this as a group can reveal patterns and organize individuals into four profiles (architects, builders, experts and facilitators).  I have seen this used effectiveness to identify general patterns in groups.  It can be explained fairly easily (it is more complex than Kolbe and less than Harrison).

Clifton StrengthsFinder: This survey (developed by the "father of strengths psychology" Donald O Clifton and Gallup Organization) came free with my copy of Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham.  It allows you to self-identify your top 5 strengths and identifies how we can use those talents.  

There are many other assessments that one can do individually and in facilitated conversations with executive coaches or consultants, which I can cover in future posts.  

Which are your favorites and why?

No One Knows

Since your potential is unknown, and as a result is virtually limitless, use your imagination, ask your friends and mentors, and believe in yourself.

The Not-So-Civil War of Self-Confidence

Each one of us is fighting a battle of self-confidence.  No matter how many years you have under your belt or how established your reputation in your industry, there are still things you are learning  (at least I hope) and things about which you are not on sure footing.  You are very aware of these areas and each of us have our own coping mechanisms.

And some of us are very critical of ourselves about these discrepancies.  About the things we could be doing better.  About the things we didn't say or do.  About the things we did.  About what we have yet to do.  It can take the form of worry, guilt, or stress.  And it can mount a full-blown attack on our ability to approach the future with calm assurance.  This not-so-civil war is raging constantly under the surface.  And we often are quite violent with ourselves, over-playing our failures and inadequacies and under-playing our strengths and abilities.

Somehow it is easier knowing that everyone is feeling this, at least to some extent.  Whether it is articulated or not. And I find comfort in our ability to change our perceptions, and the confidence with with which we bring to our work, by changing our mindset.  Of course, we should never finish working on our skills, our experience, and trusted counsel from advisers we trust.  And in the meantime, we have it in our power recognize that the internal battles we are fighting are just that.

And it is critical to be encouraging to folks on your team, to your boss, to your peers, and even to your customers.  Not to whitewash skills gaps or performance concerns, but to give people an opportunity quiet their self-critic and apply their strengths to the problems at hand and see success.

Question of the Week

You can always find reasons to be more conservative, be smaller, and sit back.  But what if you didn't?  What do you lose by being bolder?  What do you lose by not being bold?

5 Things Everyone Should Know How to Do

I have had the privilege of doing a number of different functional roles in my career and throughout all of them, I have have found the following five skills critical in all of them:

1. Gather Requirements

Of course, you'd expect those in product management or market research would need to know this skill, but frankly, it is critical across all functions and in all organizations.  Being able to understand the needs of the customers (internal or external) and identify success metrics is absolutely critical to every role, even those in executive leadership where resources are allocated and capital is obtained to fund the work.  This requires the ability to ask good question, perceive needs, and broker ideas from one part of the business to another.

2. Identify Decision Makers

Professional sales people make their living by understanding what, but more critically who, stands between them and a sale.  They understand how to work with champions, financial buyers, and other profiles to achieve results and make certain that the customer is getting full value for their purchases. But in my experience it is not just account managers who need to have this skill.  Knowing this avoids wasted time and effort convincing people with no purchase power or decision making authority on the merits of your offer.  Whether you are advocating for an internal proposal or influencing key suppliers, everyone should know how to determine who the real decision makers are.  Often this is achieved through a combination of observations and questions.  The best sales people are ones who can tactfully ask who needs to be involved in the decision and process by which decisions of this type are made.  Those are good questions for everyone to be ready to ask.

3. Tell the Truth (in love) 

I consider the truth a gift and regularly remind my staff that I rely on them for their candor.  I sincerely hope they take me up on the offer to listen to their complaints or suggestions with an open mind and a willingness to change, if necessary.  Being able to receive the truth is a made a lot easier when the truth teller is gifted in this area.  The effective truth teller strikes a balance between frankness and concern for the individual.  They speak the truth in love, as the writer of Ephesians penned.  

And it is easy to lose that balance.  Taylor Swift's song "All Too Well" poetically describes the person who emphasized truth over love:

Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise.

So casually cruel in the name of being honest.

Being able to deliver a tough message in a tender way is a very useful skill for any professional.

4. Advocate for Yourself Resourcefully

We often employ our full range of resourcefulness on tasks at worth, without taking stock on how we might marshal the same energy to advocate for ourselves.  No one else will do it for you (no, really, it is true).  It's up to you.

5. Identify Opportunities for Personal Growth

And part of advocating is knowing what to advocate for.  This is why it is critical that people continue to grow and be on the look-out for professional opportunities.  They don't have to cost money or take a lot of time.  They can be as simple as asking the advice of people you admire or reading a blog or book on a topic of interest.  Being intellectually curious is one of the things that sets the the high performers and high potentials apart from the crowd.

The Plan of Record

In business and strategy we often talk about the “plan of record.”  This is the documented and agreed upon plan against which we might measure results or track our progress.  But plans, of record or otherwise, are subject to change.  New information, market conditions, changing circumstances should cause us to adjust our plans.  A Prussian Field Marshall, by the name of Melmuth Carl Bernard Graf von Moltke, is credited with the statement “No plan survives contact with the enemy,” and oft quoted phrase among those responsible for planning.    His actual statement is translated more closely to “No plan of operations extends, with any certainty, beyond the first contact with the main hostile force.”  It is the reference to certainty has me thinking.

But even as those plans are being evaluated and course corrections anticipated, it is important to remain clear in our communications.  To never let certainty muddy our clarity.

Many writers, poets, and priests have expressed the desire for clarity, when they really wanted was certainty.  That a certain course of action would bring them happiness or profit.  Certainty about the gender of the unborn baby or the outcome on a battle field.  Certainty is grounded in fact and can really only be found in the past (and even that, because of the nature of memory and perception, is unreliable at times).  Clarity, however, is in the present.

In his book The Five Temptations of a CEO, author and consultant Patrick Lencioni talks about the importance in clarity even when certainty is elusive.  Clarity is clearly communicating direction to the team in a way that removes ambiguity and keeps the organization moving forward. Clarity is clearly communicating with ourselves about what we are doing now, until things change and other decisions are made.  In other words, the plan of record.

So, what is your plan of record?  What are you driving for today?  Focus on that and you will find yourself feeling more clarity and possibly creating more certainty as you gain results.  Or you may find evidence that a change is required and you can find clarity in that as well.

Is Trust Build or Revealed?

I recently re-read Patrick Lencioni’s The Five Dysfunctions of a Teambusiness fable and was reminded of the foundational importance of trust among a team.  His definition is fairly precise and limited to a belief in the intention of the person (not in their ability or capacity), yet it got me thinking about trust in a more general sense.

We often talk about building trust.  But I wonder if that is the right metaphor at all.  Do we really “build” trust with people?  Or is it more that we reveal the trustworthiness of others in our interactions and in their promises made and kept? 

Some people can never build (or re-build) our trust and others can’t seem to shake our feelings of goodwill, no matter what they do. This led me to another thought.

Is trust not about the other person, and their trustworthiness, at all, but in our own willingness to be trusting?  So, perhaps we don’t build trust at all, but rather we reveal the trust within ourselves.